I FEEL SO LITTLE IN THIS BIG WORLD

I’m on that point in life that I don’t know what to do anymore. I got tired of everything and what is worst: I don’t know what I should do to change it.

I feel sad, lost and little in this big world and all this makes me feel useless and the result are tears in my eyes. Weep makes me feel better, is the way I get something out my chest and when I stop crying I clean my eyes and I force a smile in my face only because I need to accept reality.

I never talk about this, only one person knows about that depression I feel sometimes but I don’t want to tell details because no one understands my mind and I don’t want to scary them. Well, this may sound as if I want to kill people or something like that but what I feel is not that heavy.  

We can say that my thoughts are quite philosophical. They are about universe, reality, truth, existence, liberty and other things that worry me. I always had lots of questions and I tried many times to solve them but the answers scare me a lot.

This year in batxillerat we started learning philosophy and I realize my questions were questioned by many others philosophers. One of them was Descartes and I felt very identified with this personage. Well, I don’t really like philosophy and my grades are not so good but is a subject that interests me.

You may think this is nonsense but I don’t care. I have lots of thoughts and I don’t know how to organize them, which one is good and which one is bad. After all, no one knows what’s right and what’s wrong.